Saturday, November 3, 2012

Unicorns, Rainbows, & Kitchen Knives



So… have you ever wondered what happens when one of those people who always sees the best in people and situations goes through depression and then early perimenopause?  You end up hiding the kitchen knives.  I’m only kidding if a member of law enforcement is reading this.  I have always been one of those people who expected and wanted to see the very best in the world and the people closest to me.  As one friend put it, “You are just all unicorns and rainbows, aren’t you?”  And I was until my body turned on me.  I have been taken hostage by a crazy bitch who will cut you.   Only figuratively, of course.   If I were to stab someone, who do you think would have to clean that mess up?  That’s right—me. 

My mood swings are so severe that they would put a redheaded two-year-old hopped on sugar to shame.  Just a few hours ago, I announced with a very beleaguered sigh that I was going to sleep because no one likes me and I just didn’t want to think about it anymore.  To my husband’s credit, he wisely kissed me on the cheek and said, “Sorry, sweetie.  I love you.  Good night.”  Now 3 hours later and wide awake, I can look back and recognize the slight exaggeration in my comment and sadness.  But rest assured—the crazy will come back and probably be more dramatic than that in a few hours.  My husband (let’s call him MB) is a very smart man and is learning how to handle me a little better with each and every moment of insanity.  A few months ago, he might have tried to convince me that people like me and give me examples of this.  I would have argued with him, cried, become more belligerent.  It wouldn’t have ended well for anyone.  We are on this journey together.  This portion of the journey is nothing either of us would have chosen.  It is difficult and has and will test what our marriage is made of.  These days instead of trying to convince me I’m being irrational he just tries to be supportive and understanding of the wildly unhinged redhead in his bed and prays that she can’t find where he hid the knives.  

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