Naked Mermaids Riding Seahorses

What?!? No?  Okay, fine!  I'll try to explain.  My insomnia comes and goes.  Right now it's camped out in my house (mind, body, whatever).  After multiple nights of insufficient sleep, I start to have weirder thoughts than usual.  I think it's a combination of fatigue and anxiety about not being able to sleep.  This morning I woke up about three hours after I had gone to bed.  I was very frustrated, and decided to take a stand (or in this case, a lie down) against the insomnia monster.  If you know anything about insomnia, experts say that you shouldn't stay in bed and fret.  You're supposed to get out of bed and do something else.  I was irritated and determined to go back to sleep.  I tossed and turned and pouted.  My mind was, of course, running 90 mph.

I was trying to think of email subject lines that would elicit the most curiosity from the recipient.  This is also kind of a personalized thing.  You have to know your victim (oops... I mean "friend").  One person might be intrigued by naked mermaids riding seahorses while another wouldn't be.  There is also the line between intriguing and gross/horrifying/terrifying/calling the police that you really don't want to cross.

After I decided on a subject line and mentally composed my email, then I began insomnia math.  Just in case you are unfamiliar with this, I'll explain.  Insomnia math is when you become increasingly agitated as you lie in the bed and calculate exactly how much sleep you will get if you fall asleep right now.... now..... now..... now.  You take the frustration level (scale of 1 to 467) created by this and multiply it by 78 if the person next to you is snoring.  Multiply that number by 1000, and that is how much money you will need for bail after you hold the pillow over the snorer's face until they stop squirming.  This is real world math, people, unlike that crap they tried to teach us in high school.

I need a nap.....